I'm planning a trip to Santa Cruz with my partner, and to me, Santa Cruz is really Capitola. When somebody says Santa Cruz, I see Capitola Village and the Mercantile, and I want to go to the Rainbow Store, where we used to collect stickers. Lisa Frank stickers were the most expensive ones. They were such a splurge, and they made me feel the most special.
So today we're talking about stickers. It almost feels silly to make a whole episode about something this small, but stay with me, especially if you're grieving right now. When you're grieving, people hand you a lot of gentle suggestions right when even the small things feel like too much. This one is smaller and lower stakes than almost anything else.
Why a grown-up sticker hobby made me think of grief
A couple of days ago I came across an article about sticker collecting coming back as a grown-up hobby, the way coloring books and jigsaw puzzles did. Adults are buying stickers, filling little books, and sticking them in their journals. A psychologist quoted in it explained why tiny, mindful activities like this are good for us.
As I read it, I felt validated (I've been obsessed with stickers my whole life), and I couldn't stop thinking about you, the griever. My clients. My friends. Almost every reason she gave lands right in the middle of grief.
The present moment is where grief hurts the least
Think about where grief lives. It lives in the past, with the person you're aching for. It lives in the future, in all the days you now have to face without them. Both places are exhausting.
A small activity brings you back to right now. The psychologist said it lets you focus on the present moment, and when you're truly here, there's less room to spiral. Peeling the sticker, deciding where it goes, pressing it down with your thumb. For those few seconds you're only doing that one thing. A few seconds of only this is real mercy when you're grieving.
A break from the endless list of loss
Every loss comes with a staggering pile of administrative work. Paperwork. Accounts to close. Phone calls to close the accounts, where someone reading from a script says they need to speak with the person who died. That happens over and over, and it makes the spiral worse.
The article made the point that activities like this help you focus on what you can control and enjoy right now, instead of the list. Adding a sticker to a page is one thing you get to do purely because you want to. Nobody is waiting on it. That kind of permission is rare in grief, so if you find it, take it.
Distraction is not avoidance
This one is for those of you who feel guilty. Some of you feel bad stepping away from your grief, as if looking away for a minute betrays your person. I want to tell you as gently as I can that it doesn't. The psychologist called these activities a genuine distraction from what is weighing on you, and said that if it brings you a little joy, that is good for you all by itself.
You cannot grieve at full volume every waking hour. No one can. Those small pockets of joy don't mean you love your person less. They're what makes the grief light enough to carry.
A few minutes that say you still matter
This is the one that got me. According to the article, these moments give you time in your day that makes you feel like a priority in your own life, which, she added, you should be. When you've poured everything into caring for someone, and then everything you have left into the aftermath of losing them, you can disappear from your own list completely.
A few minutes with a sticker book is a small way of saying, I still count. So let me say it plainly. You still count. You are not only a caregiver or a griever. You are the you that you've been all along.
Make your own grief reminder stickers
The best part is that it can be as long or as short as you need. On a hard day, one sticker is enough. On a better day, maybe you lose half an hour. There is no dose you are supposed to hit and no way to fall behind. Grief doesn't run on a schedule, and this little comfort bends to fit whatever kind of day you're having.
The article mentioned a sticker series printed with small prompts, like go outdoors, drink water, talk to someone. You could make a grief version: a page of tiny reminders that are almost impossible to hold onto in early loss. Eat something. Text one person back. Go outside for five minutes. Placing the sticker becomes a soft nudge instead of one more instruction on one more well-meaning list.
I'll admit I still have a sticker collection. Instead of big souvenirs, I pick up stickers everywhere I go, and when I look at them I remember the places and the people I was with. I'm going to challenge myself to start placing them in my journal. If I can make a practice of it, you can too.
In this episode
- 00:06 Something small that matters
- 00:24 Capitola, the Rainbow Store, and stickers
- 00:49 Sticker collecting as a grown-up hobby
- 01:57 The present is where grief hurts the least
- 03:03 A break from the list
- 04:32 Distraction is not avoidance
- 05:26 Treating yourself like you still matter
- 06:39 As long or as short as you need
- 07:13 Make a grief version of reminder stickers
- 08:15 My own sticker collection
Caring for someone near the end? You don't have to figure out the last days alone. Book a Guided Care Planning Call and we'll talk through what's ahead.
Feeling the pull to do this work? Pay attention to that. I teach it at Compass Doula Academy.
Listen: Spotify · Apple Podcasts · 9 minutes
If there's anything else you're dying to ask, let me know: christy@christybraun.com
